they take take take cause you give give give

this is me speeding up your breathing
i stare "if i kiss your neck would you....."
she stares "slit your throat"
will you let this hurt? so forget all the looks and all the words, three pair up and high card down, its jealousy thats shining in my smile
her eyes are raccoon underneath the makeup, its so much easier to watch you die all night
for some reason the memory of you always stays, locked up fermented and it stays for days
i dreamed i fell out of the sky thousands of feet in the air, it felt righteous and more alive than how i rot on a daily basis as my head was filled with thoughts of how i'll land on what body part of just how badly will it explode causing a mess no one wants to or should have to clean and oh i cant wish on you anymore when you just let me down and why does the sun always rise at the worst times? never on the other side of town but instead in my goddamn window. in my goddamn window. "I loved the first few days But it's not fun playing a game You always lose"
instead of your lips i think of his
tracing the curves that make your outline
stabbing and taking with every kiss (im so sick and fucking tired of writing about this)

daydreaming into nightmares that involve you and your dress, the way your shirt slides off your shoulders....i'm a mess.

this would be easier if you died

its like looking at a gun that is pointed at your face.
apprehension.
the anxiety of wanting that trigger to just finally be pulled.
she gives headaches and heartaches like its her job. an expert at fucking up your day.
the machines whir and turn until they burn out from exhaustion. do you enjoy killing everyday?
of course you do.
assholes always finish first.

flower kings

and condom queens. one loves to smile the other loves to be mean.
she is what firing squad victims think of before they take that last inhale.
she is how light bulbs feel before they burn out.

you wake up at 630. way too fucking early. grab the clock just to make sure you have another good excuse to be miserable. way to start the day kid

and here starts another life

if you have found this, then i feel sorry for you.
not enough to apologize sincerely.
but enough to show some empathy. either from boredom or severe hunting, you have found this.

dear reader: prepare to be mind fucked.

p.s.-i'm not writing this to touch up on english skills, nor is this shit written for your enjoyment, maybe this is me just jumping on the blogging bandwagon. Fame for me vomiting thoughts on the daily mundane fuckover that is life on this shitty planet full of shitty people.

1244 and all i'm counting are the lights from this city. shining like hopes and dreams, just waiting to become burnt out. ever want to rip out your brain and slam it on the table and just yell at it, "why are you so fucking crazy?!"
everyday.
hang all of your flaws out to dry so you can study them and fix them. but fuck being perfect, and fuck being fairy tale happy.
what ever happened to the beauty.....before she traded it in for bad memories.

yes i could rant day in and day out about how you all suck at life and how none of you are ready or good enough, just because we are not born ready or good enough. about how i believe that humans are inherently evil and selfish, and how nobody acts their age.
but i barely follow what i preach, so i cant go down that road.
i could rant all night about heartbreak and happiness and all that matters is love and blahblahblah. how she broke my little heart and now i'm hurt over it.
but i write enough about that bullshit in other places.
so i guess i'm just saying, enjoy whatever shit i end up finding to say on this blog.

if you even care to read every battered word i type.