returning of the storm

an extended hand that shoots out of the waves.
desperate and pale- reaching for anything for hope
right hand holding a knife underwater......
if i'm going down, i'm taking you with me...
"if i can't live happy, i'm taking you with me...."
forgotten but not forgiven for once
funny how it all works out in the end
funny how just a few words can puncture a hole
funny how i still feel like this
funny that these feelings can still surface
i've fucked up and wronged too many times to trust the same hand with the same plea
but i still question every move i make...
this all leads to anger and hate- a cycle i'm tired of repeating
repeating repeater: "pull the trigger and the nightmare stops"

fuck you for making me into this monster.