About to burst at the seams

and i just want to be caught and not let splattered on the floor
can't repair myself with broken pieces- glued and taped for a 6 year old's project
eyes widen
mouth dry
parched lips
goosebumps and butterflies
almost alive for the first time in a while
cash in all my secrets
leave me with an empty pocket or two
decisions decisions.......
almost wished i smoked- lighting and discarding lights like dreams and thoughts
friends/ lovers
just another pack for another 10
smile at that smile
though while fleeting
eyes down
mouth shut
hands in pockets
empty handed
standing
waiting
another minute turns into another hour
oh how the arm of fate swings- up and down with the wind
either have the materials or the motivation
neither both at the same time

And so the page turns

Moved a mountain from the past. only 100 more to go....
feel accomplished but haunted
reliving the past is too tempting to fall back into the ease of what it used to be
one foot in front of another....one foot in front of another.....
thinking of all the wrong thoughts again, just like the past
slothful and broken- its just being easy in more ways than one
its the eyes
its the smile
its all the above
its the warmth of remembering the good times and trying to forget the bad times
hard to think of darkness when your smiling in the sun
rewind to staring outside of windows, foot on gas trying to drive away from the pain
round back to sipping the drink by yourself in the booth
its hard to tell you this/ its hard to say anything at all
fast forward to a different smile
to different eyes
to a different touch that brings on a new season with the same shakes
a new set of lips that taste of maybe better times....
eyes drip with wariness
rest....rest....rest......
it was always better just smiling and laughing around her
left with only whiskey and regrets
sipping away to kill everything inside, toast to the memories
sympathetic glances and pitiful hugs, this rounds on me
i just want to live in this memory forever.

say that there is change in the wind

that there are tides that will come wipe out this plague of monotony and negativity
when the light will pierce the darkness
move clouds and climb mountains-
i cant take it anymore.
i could sit here in kitchens and living rooms with drink in hand
waiting for a miracle to come change the day, flip the pages until it rips
but the road begs to take, grasp with both hands and fucking let it go.
tell all the girls that call after- that the chance came and went
tell all the mistakes that caught up- they deserved the prize after that kind of run
tell all the missed opportunities- they were right and i was wrong
cutting myself to ribbons over time
flesh and bone can only last for so long
i need an escape.
i need to escape.
fell in love with all the stars in the sky- the night took me in
its so hard to tell you this- its all (sad but) true
instead i am forced to open these eyes and endure another day of missed opportunities and mistakes
we can only float for so long.