broken hearted hoover fixer upper guy

all these needles pick and pick
dig dig dig
searching for an open valve
all these knives pick and pick
dig dig dig
searching for an open smile
empty, everything feels empty. the empty space next to me that seems to follow me everywhere.
its hard when you're a monster.
letting myself look and punch the mirror for the first time in quite some time.
crossed the finish line- but whats after that?
haven't felt this heart beat in years.
don't know if thats good or bad.....
haven't felt warmth in years.
the awkward touch of care
the feigned and forced smiles and laughs
oh wait......
someday. someday. someday the monster will get a break.
dont know the form of it, but the monster will feel good someday. absolute good. true smiles.
allowed to bask in the sun, allowed to feel that warm breeze that uplifts happy memories.
i was born to be the bad example of what to not follow or be.
(we all have a purpose.)
finally found the switch to turn it all off.
don't know if thats good or bad.......
some things just can't be fixed.
threw a line to death today, just to catch up on old times.
"remember back in the day?"
even though it may not know how to beat in happiness, this heart still thuds a beat to a sad song.
it just feels too normal to be sad...
realizing now that i never lost love because you can't lose what you didn't have.
realizing now that i never missed love because you can't miss something you never had to begin with.
too many cliches make up my smile.
i'm pretty sure this all still only makes sense to this head.
discovering from the ruins and wreckage that its not a broken heart that stems all the problems
it was just not knowing any better.
some people were meant to be the stepping foot rest for others.
i can beg and plead and bargain and desperately give this dirty trashed heart and crooked smile but it never really makes it difficult to leave.
"please don't go"
one day........one day.......the numbers will eventually turn the other way
this is how miracles happen.
ever wonder what would happen if the sun shone brighter?
pierced and cut through the rain that constantly pours on this head
rain rain go away
the cold days
the quiet days
the lonely days
never found an escape to it all
left broken with cheap skylines
its ok. but not really.
just leave.
i would.
i don't blame you.